Its been a little while since I posted, but I have been pretty busy, some good and some bad. First, I took my first final in 12 years (((hip hip hooray))) I took an excel class in order to be able to add it to my resume. It was an 8 week class, I skipped 3 weeks though but I did all of my homework, mid term and final and I ended up getting a ‘C’ which I am very proud of lol……

I had planned on taking several art classes through the summer but after taking this class and talking to a friend I was inspired to go to school for ‘real’ this time and get my A.A.

I have been very scared to do so because I fear that I am not smart enough (I don’t even have my high school diploma ‘yet’). I am 26 almost 27 years old and I ‘feel’ old. *Sigh* I do not want to turn 30 ad not have a degree to my name.

I have always considered going to school fashion design or baking and pastry because I already have talents for it. But actually there  is nothing wrong if I choose one of these if I do because I am passionate about it not because I am scared that I am not ‘smart enough’ to get a degree and it will ‘take too long’ (but time is passing anyway). 

I had thought about just getting my AA and then going to get my certificate to do heart ultrasounds but AGAIN I would be doing that out of fear, not because I am passionate about it.

So what I REALLY have been wanting to do deep down and for yeeears is Psychology. Which has always seemed so daunting because it means I have to get a Masters degree. I guess I never thought I would be capable  doing it. But you know what I finally think I am starting to believe in myself. Whodathunkit?

So I enrolled in 3 classes for this summer the start of my AA……I thought I was going to have to give up all of my art classes, but I found out that one of them (Charcoal Art) starts the day AFTER my finals. Yes! That plus a party will be my celebration of the beginning.

I have had a few setbacks, 1st this week I saw my 2nd therapist for the 2nd and last time. I do NOT like her. She made comments that were full of judgement and she has a kind of patronizing disposition. I am not comfortable with her. One good thing out of that was that I seriously appreciate my current therapist even MORE and I plan on telling him so this Wednesday.

The other set back was the fact that I cut myself the other night. I was super overwhelmed and I had had a panic attack earlier twice in public. I also smelled a smell that took me back to my past. The cut was pretty deep (deepest yet) and I cut over and over about 8 times and it was a lot of blood. I must own up to the fact that I felt pretty satisfied about it…sad I know 

So all in all a balanced week I guess LOL….

Peace-

Advertisements
Comments
  1. dawn says:

    I think it’s great that you’re going back to school to get your AA. It sounds like you know what you want and you’re going for it. That’s huge. Do you know how many people know what they want but never go after it??

    I’m sorry things didn’t work out with your 2nd therapist but very glad to hear that you have one that you trust and appreciate.

    As far as the cutting goes, I can completely understand the feeling of accomplishment. Unfortunately, that’s part of the cycle of addiction with cutting. I know it’s one of the reasons I keep doing it. I do feel guilt too, but typically not for long.

    take care,
    dawn

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s