Today I went to FIDM (Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising) with a friend to tour it since they had open house. I know I am not going to take classes there because of the $$ instead I am going to go to a local community college for Fashion Design also for my AA. I am 26 and going to go back to school to try and do something with myself.

Plus Fashion Design is mainly for me I am not sure I want to make a career out of that. I have no idea what I am going to do but I do know that I need to get my AA first and then focus on what I want to do later.

I am seriously trying to make it through the day, much less plan my whole life.

Distractions no longer work for me, I can be really sad even in the happiest of things. These walls that I built to cope with my childhood of abuse etc… is no longer working…..

This type of sadness is a very deep in the core of my soul sadness……I know its part of the process of healing but it still sucks…..

I am starting to ‘feel’ and that is weird for me and it can feel overwhelming at times (hence the cutting and suicidal thoughts).


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