Cutting and Suicide

Posted: April 30, 2011 in Cutting
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

This will probably be a recurring theme with me, I constantly have suicidal thoughts and I have attempted it when I as younger, obviously it did not work.

I had gone 3 weeks without cutting myself which was great in theory, but I have felt like $***, I think about all the time and I long for it. I was so bad that I carried my razor with me and when I would lets say wait for a friend of mine to run into the bank I would pull my razor out of my bag and slice away.

Anyway I did it again last night and this morning, I sliced. I use a shaving razor, the kind with 4 blades. it does nice thin cuts and heals pretty good. This morning thought I cut and then cut again in the same place 3-4 times and quickly rolled my sleeve down, it was not until later I saw that it bled and felt really good about it….

It feels amazing……..its like a huge release…..

My thoughts of suicide have picked up and my nightmares have worsen…..

I know I should call my Therapist but I feel bad disturbing him on the weekend….

He had given me tips on how to deal with it, but I really need to feel better quickly otherwise the thoughts of suicide are worse…. I dunno

I am so tired……..

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Comments
  1. D. says:

    It IS very exhausting always thinking about it. I quit cutting for almost 3 years but recently just started again. I hate that I can’t control my thoughts and desires to cut…it’s so much stronger than I am. Blogging is a great way to get these feelings out. I’ll be back to visit 🙂

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